Either You Don't Know How to Screw, or I Don't Know How to Shit

Hello murderers! (Put aside that burger you're munching on before you proceed.)

This morning, as I was sitting in the bathroom throne, I just had to thank God (yes, I'm implying that I am religious. I pray sometimes as I empty out to beat boredom caused by the daily boringly inherent obligatory predictables). I realised just how blessed I am to have been given perfectly working digestive tubes, diligently siphoning anything valuable out of the junk I ate yesterday and excreting whatever is left of the junk. It was kinda cool too, to just sit there... eyes closed... and feel the senses. Consequently, I wondered just how many people in the world actually does that, and began to regard myself perverted. So I quickly snapped out of it and decided to continue old-fashioned style.

I remember an old joke you've probably already heard of, but here it is anyway:

--
A professor is lecturing his class on the possibility of finding
joy through unusual activities.

"Even the most natural and common actions can provide an immense
amount of pleasure," said the professor. "For example, a good
bowel movement can be as enjoyable as making love."

A student replied, "Professor, either you don't know how to
screw, or I don't know how to shit."
--

And a couple other oldies to get you through the day:

--
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go
out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first
blonde.

"Good idea," said the other.

So the both started yelling, "Together! Together!"

--

John: Waiter, I'd like a hamburger and some kind words.

Waiter: Here's your hamburger, sir.

John: What about the kind words?

Waiter: I wouldn't eat that hamburger if I were you, sir.
--

Okidoki! That's it for now! 'til our next attempt to murder boredom!